Transurfing. Part 19. Excess Potentials: Idealizing and Overestimation.

Transurfing
Part 19
Excess Potentials: Idealizing and Overestimation
Overestimation is the attribution of personal qualities to someone who does not have these qualities. On a mental level, this ap- pears in the shape of illusions that seem harmless at first. But on the energy level, excess potential is created. Potential is created everywhere where there is an overflow of some kind of quantity or quality. Overestimation is exactly that – creating mental models of qualities that are not there. There are two possible alternatives here. The first alternative is when the place is filled. That is when there is a specific individual who has qualities attributed to him that are not his own. In order to eliminate this discrepancy, the balancing forces must produce a counterweight.
For example, a romantic and dreamy young man imagines his beloved to be “an angel of pure beauty.” But in reality it turns out that she is quite the material girl, she likes party- ing and is not at all interested in sharing the dreams of the young man in love. In any oth- er case when a man creates an idol and puts it onto a pedestal, eventually, the halo will come off.
 In connection with our topic, let me introduce the remarkable story about Karl May, an author of several books about the Wild West and the creator of such heroes as Old Shatter-hand, Winnetou and others. Karl May wrote all his novels in first person, which made the reader believe that the author has actually been to the Wild West and has taken part in all of the events that he ac- counts for in the book, therefore he must be a truly remarkable person worthy of admiration. The works of Karl May are so real and vivid that an illusion is created so complete that it seems to the reader that only someone that has actually participated in described events could have written about them. You read the books of Karl May and it is as if you are watching a movie. The stories in his books are so compelling that Karl May has
been called “The German Dumas”. (See note below)
The many fans of Karl May were totally con- vinced that he was that same famous cowboy, the Old Shatter-hand, just as he had introduced himself in his books. His fans wouldn’t allow any other conclusions to be made. After all, they have found an object of admiration and imitation and the fact that their idol was living in the vicinity made it even more interesting. Imagine their surprise when it became known that Karl May had never been to America and, what’s more, he wrote several of his books while sitting in jail. Thus, the halo came off and Karl May’s greatest fans became his worst enemies. Well, and who is the guilty one here? After all, they created their idol and established a dependent relationship – “You can be our hero, only as long as everything in the book
is true.”
The second alternative, when there is no ob- ject to attribute the artificially created illu- sions to, an idealizing person will make up castles in the sky and pretty daydreams. The dreamer has his head in the clouds, trying to escape the unattractive reality. By doing so, he is creating an excess potential. The balancing forces in this case, in attempt to destroy the castles in the sky, will constantly be con- fronting the romantic with the harsh reality. Even if he could attract a mass of people with his ideas and create a pendulum, nonetheless his utopia is doomed, because an excess potential has been created on an empty spot, and sooner or later the balancing forces will make this pendulum stop.
One more example of when the object of overestimation exists only in the ideal world. Let’s suppose a woman is drawing up a pic- ture of the ideal husband in her mind. The more convinced she is that he must be ex- actly in this way or that, the greater the ex- cess potential will be. And only a guy with the opposite qualities to those of the perfect husband will be able to destroy this excess potential. And then the woman can only wonder “What in the world was I thinking?”
The opposite is true as well. If a woman actively hates drunkards and rude people, it is almost as if she falls into a trap, getting together with an alcoholic or a rude fellow. You get what you really cannot stand, and this is because you are radiating thought energy on the frequency of the disliked object, creating on top of it all an excess potential. Life often brings together completely different people that really seem to be unsuitable for each other. This is how the balancing forces are trying to extinguish the excess potential, by making the opposites of excess potential attract.
The action of the balancing forces is espe- cially evident in children, because children are more sensitive than adults are to any changes on the energy level, and thus they act naturally. If a child is given too much praise, he will immediately start acting up out of spite. And if you begin to ingratiate yourself with him, he will start despising you  or, at least, he will never respect you. If you use all your strength in an attempt to raise the toddler to be a well-behaved and obedient boy, then most probably he will end up hanging out with some dodgy street gang. If you were to try to make some kind of genius out of him, he’ll probably lose all interest in school and studying. And the more you keep dragging your child to all kinds of after school activities and societies, the more likely it is that he’ll grow up to be a dull person.
The very best way of bringing up and relating to children (and not only to children), which won’t result in any excess potential, is to treat them like guests. In other words, you should be attentive to them, show them re- spect and give them freedom of choice, but you shouldn’t allow them walking all over you either. As much as you are a guest in this world, so you should treat the children as guests. If you accept the rules of the game and don’t run from one extreme to another, you are allowed to choose anything this
world has to offer.
Having a positive attitude towards others is as widespread as having a negative attitude. There is some balance in this case. There is love and there is hate. A smooth positive atti- tude will not result in any excess potential. A potential is formed when there is a notice- able displacement relative to the nominal value. Unconditional love can be considered a zero on the scale of displacement. As you know, unconditional love doesn’t give rise to dependent relationships and it doesn’t create any excess potential. But that type of love in its purest form is rare. Basically, a dash of each of the following is added to pure love: the right of possession, dependence and overestimation. It’s hard to refuse the right of possession, because possessing your ob- ject of love is completely natural and rather normal, as long as it doesn’t lead to either of the following two extremes.
The first extreme is the desire to have some- body you love who doesn’t belong to you at all and who doesn’t even suspect your desire. (You understand, of course, that I am not only talking about the physical aspect of pos- session.) This is a classic case of unreciproc- ated love. Unanswered love has always given rise to a lot of suffering. However, the mech- anism behind this is not as simple as it may seem. Let’s go back to the example with the flowers. So you love walking among them, admiring them and it probably never oc- curred to you whether or not they love you. Try to imagine – what do the flowers think of you? Several not too pleasant suggestions might appear in your mind, such as: fear, danger, hostility or indifference. And why should they love you, after all? Or say, you’re burning with desire to hold them in your hands, but it’s forbidden – they grow in a  public flower-bed or are too expensive. That’s it. Love is already out of the picture, but what remains is a dependent relationship and negative emotions that have already started creeping in on you.
And so, the object of your love is in one place while you are in another and you want to possess the object of your love. In other words, you are creating an excess energy po- tential. You could assume that this potential would pull the desired object towards you, just like air masses, which move from areas of high pressure to areas of low pressure. Far from it! The balancing forces don’t care in which way a balance is achieved. Thus, they can pick a different way of doing things – like moving the object of your love further away and neutralizing you - that is, breaking your heart. In addition to everything else, even when you’ll be experiencing small fail- ures, you will be more and more prone to dramatize the situation (“she/he doesn’t love me!”). Therefore, such thoughts will drag you over onto a life track where mutual love will almost be impossible.
The stronger the desire to possess someone you love, or for your feelings to be reciproc- ated, the stronger will be the actions of the balancing forces. Of course, if they choose an option that brings you closer to your loved one, then the story will have a “happy end- ing”. It is easy to determine the direction of the balancing forces when you’ve only star- ted to realize that you are in love: if you are really worried about whether your love will be reciprocated or not, and if something isn’t right from the beginning of the relationship, then you know that you need to radically change your tactics. More precisely, you need to start loving without demanding a re- ward in return. Only then, the unstable fluc- tuations of the balancing forces could be pulled over onto your side and thus, begin to work for you. Otherwise, the situation will break out of control like an avalanche, and then it will be almost impossible to change anything.
There is only one conclusion: if you want your tender feelings to be reciprocated, then you simply need to love and not try to be loved. Thus, firstly no excess potential will be created, which means you would not have to worry about the fifty percent chance that the balancing forces will work against you. Se- condly, if you won’t strive for reciprocity, you also won’t have those uncontrollable dramat- ic thoughts about unanswered love – and your radiation won’t drag you to the corres- ponding life tracks. On the contrary, if you simply love without the right of possession, then the parameters of your radiation will fit those life tracks where reciprocity exists. After all, there are no dependent relation- ships in reciprocated love. If you already possess something, there is no point in get- ting upset about the right of possession. Just imagine how much your chances of reciprocated love will increase, simply because you have refused the right of possession! Besides, unconditional love is extremely rare, and that alone is already intriguing and attractive. Wouldn’t it be nice if someone loved you just like that without demanding anything in return?
The second extreme of the right of posses- sion is, of course, jealousy. Even in this case, the balancing forces have two ways of acting. If the object of love belongs to you already, then the first alternative is to bring you even closer. In fact, some people even like it when their partner is jealous, to a certain degree of course. However, the balancing forces have one more alternative, and that is to ruin that which gave rise to jealousy in the first place – namely love. Furthermore, the stronger the jealousy, the deeper will be the grave of your love. It would be like going from enjoying the aroma of fresh flowers to producing perfume
from them.
Everything we’ve talked about here relates to both men and women. But this is not the end of it. We’ll return to the question of overes- timation and idealization when we’ll be look- ing at other concepts of Transurfing. Everything is so simple and, at the same time, so complicated. Complicated, because somebody in love is unable to reason logic- ally and these recommendations will prob- ably be useless. Well, I in turn won’t get up- set because of that, as I refuse the right to possess your gratitude.

Note:
Alexandre Dumas (1802 – 1870), most famous for his literary classic “The Three

Musketeers” (tr.)