Tuesday, 11 November 2014

On Finding and Meeting the Right Person, Soul-Mate

I Feel I Finally Want to Find My One Soul-Mate 
I've never really felt lonely before...but now I do... kind of... this is something that I've noticed.
Just a few months ago I didn't even understand why someone would want to be in a relationship, would want to find a "soul-mate". Because I personally did not feel that need at all. 
Whenever I came across that theme in movies or books or articles in magazines for example, it didn't strike a cord with me at all and I was wondering why on earth would one want to find that one person to be with forever. 
I also felt very proud of myself for that independence and lack of desire to "find" anyone. I had many male acquaintances and whenever I felt like hanging out I could always call one of them, but that was all that I wanted, and I never intended being in a relationship with any of them. 
In fact, I was beginning to get worried how I would ever marry and create a family if I am not even interested in finding that one guy!
But now I am beginning to feel rather unhappy with this scenario... And whenever I now see a good movie or book about love and how the two people finally find each other, it makes me feel pretty wistful... 

Finding a Soul-Mate is Much Much Harder than I've Always Thought!
Back when I did not have that wish on my mind, it seemed to me like it would be a piece of cake for a pretty girl like me to get a life partner, all I would have to do is just pick whoever I want among the guys I already knew or go meet someone else whenever I feel like it. Unfortunately, the other truth of life that I realized very soon, was just how wrong I was in thinking it was easy, and how hard it actually is to find that one soul-mate! That would be someone who would be a good person, successful and/or ambitious enough, with good personality and to whom you'd also feel attracted to. And the last point is by far the hardest part! Because, at least in the case with me, unless I am attracted to someone, all the rest of the attributes and qualities that that person has, no matter how great and outstanding they might be, won't be enough to make up for that lack attraction for me! In my life, I've met quite a few guys who objectively were very good people, but who I just wasn't attracted to, and so any kind of relationship with them outside a friendly one immediately became out of question for that reason. 

Then of course, there is also the fact that that person has to "like you back". And staying physically attractive for that purpose is just one small step in this matter. Beyond this initial attraction based on looks, there are so many more qualities which people are looking for in their potential partner! This fact of life, again, came up for me pretty soon. 

Changing Yourself just "for Yourself" or for Someone Else
Throughout my life, I certainly did experience changes in the positive direction that made me better (and I described the latest one here not very long ago), but these changes mostly happened naturally to me as I grew and naturally "smartened up", as for the other things, I mostly just lived for myself and did what I wanted. 
That is not to say that I never thought consciously that it would be a good idea to change this and that about me, in fact, I recognized and knew of all my shortcomings pretty well, always, but the motivation to change most of these shortcomings just wasn't strong enough, there was simply no real, tangible  reason to...  
As for the idea of changing For someone else, I previously found that concept quite ridiculous and preposterous! And now, just a few months later, I somehow completely changed my mind... In fact, the motivation of changing For someone else is now incomparably stronger for me than the idea of doing it "just for myself". And that, despite the fact that I haven't yet met the person for whom I want to be better! By the way, by changing for someone else, I do not mean adjusting to someone indefinitely, becoming their free servant and a doormat or anything like that. What I mean is improving oneself personally, becoming kinder, more interesting, more pleasant to be around, without  harming oneself in any way in the process. A mutually beneficial change, not a one way street... After all, the person I (or anyone else, I am sure) am dreaming of meeting is definitely not someone with difficult personality, uninteresting and dull. So what you are doing, when you make an effort to change yourself is trying to bring yourself to the same level as you would want your ideal partner to be, so when you do meet that guy, he notices you in a good light, and the two of you are a good, equal match for each other! That is what I believe changing oneself for someone is about, and not breaking yourself to fit someone else's ideas and ideals!
To Look for Him or Not? 

This entry mentions "meeting" and "finding" so many times! Yet these words imply a certain place, where you would have to be or go to. Some people are convinced that "looking" for the guy/girl of your dreams is not a good idea. That way, it is believed by many, you are forcing the events that are supposed to happen naturally, the way destiny has intended. And that as soon as you stop looking, that person will appear, but when you invest efforts in "finding" you won't succeed and your potential life partner will even be repelled by this, even if you catch a glimpse him somewhere in the distance.
Luck is often compared to a butterfly in this case, which will flee if you chase it but will come and land on your shoulder when you cease to keep a watch it.   
I wonder why, in all other areas of life, personal effort towards reaching a goal is encouraged, but when it comes to this issue, many say that it is one area where that will cause more harm than good.
I personally think that it is not about appearing at certain places and doing certain hobbies and activities and thus exposing yourself
to more people in the hopes to see "the one" that is so detrimental, but what you do after, once you do see someone who looks like he might be "the one" for you. I think the logic is that, if you put in effort in order to meet your soulmate, if you do things you wouldn't have otherwise done, and visiting places you wouldn't have visited, then when you finally do see the "goal" you've been striving for, you will act more pushy and even desperate and needy, because you wouldn't want all these efforts and time that you otherwise would have spent differently, to go to waste. And when you act too pushy and needy it does not create the best impression. So your potential soulmate escapes, even if you do come across him. Whereas if you never had the real goal of meeting that "right" guy or girl, and you see them, you will supposedly respond in a more relaxed and casual manner. 
There is no other explanation that I can find for discouraging actual "efforts" to meet someone. 
I think therefore, that there is nothing wrong in going to certain places and event and taking up additional hobbies and activities to increase your chances, as long as, when you see that one person, you do not through yourself at him or her and hold on to them as though it is your one and only chance. Instead it is wiser to take the time and get to know that guy or girl more to see if they really are a good match with you or if whether that was just a short-term illusion.
In fact, I do think it is highly advisable to "expose yourself to the world" more, to increase your chances, because, even if you don't do it you will probably eventually meet someone, but you won't have the choice to see who matches you and maybe matches you better than that one person you came across "effortlessly" and even that will probably also take a while longer, than if you "exposed yourself to the world" more!

There are many more things to say on this subject, I'm sure, but I mentioned enough of what I wanted, for this post today at least! 



  1. Hi! I'm a language teacher and I would love to meet you and try to conquer your heart! I'm a very romantic guy and I will treat you like the princess you are!

  2. cristhian mendoza18 March 2015 at 15:31

    I like

  3. oye linda ya no busques mas aqui esta el padre de todos los hijos que quieras

  4. i know what you meen its not easy att all im also looking for that one special person i know she is out there and one day i'll find here at least thats what i think

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  6. You are a beautiful princess, I hope your answer if you want to talk to me.

    1. Yo Me quedo mirandotee... eres hermosa niña..quiero que seas mi nena linda..aparte de ser hermosa. Fisicamente me gustas tanto por tu forma y tu actitud.. de mi vida eres la mas esperada.. la chica con la.que soñe se llama Elena....
      I lovee Youuu
      Att.. Socrates A. Camacho. (Facebook).

  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

  8. Não precisa procura mais, estou aqui a sua alma gêmea. Posso fazer você a mulher mais feliz desse mundo. Sou um homem extremamente carinhoso, não tenho palavras para me descrever, pois bem melhor do que eu apenas me descrever é mostrar a você pessoalmente o tipo de homem que sou e tenha certeza de que você não se arrependera de me conhecer melhor pessoalmente. E você iria colocar um fim nessa sua busca por sua alma gêmea!

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